poetic license

Wrong Turn

2009-08-31T10:29:00.000+05:30

She fell prey to
the shady one-patched eye guy, What-If
with the most disarming smile
and the deepest hypnotizing eyes.

He blinded her with one-sided vision
of the world –
of crumbling hopes and deterministic dead ends
of positives being a vile disguise worn by imps
of friends being fiends – no paradise,
where she had no choices left except
running into his welcoming arms
the arms that promised some stability and respite.

She let go of Faith
entrusted her hands
to What-If and
began her descent into the crevices
finding solace in doubts.

A marvelling discovery

2008-03-21T11:04:00.002+05:30

In the time of yore
I was born without complications
except that I was whimsical...
well but usual na

Flapping happy wings
looking forward to
the reverse journey onward -
from without to within
promised by my Time machine

Vein by vein I uncovered
First - the happy polka-dotted clown
the public image
How I laughed at the sad jester!

Second - the footloose girlie
in a casual bermuda with
sunshine exuberance -
every bit the adventurous traveller.
A few had the club memebership here.
Hmmm... I did have a zest for life.

Reaching deeper down
the quicksands were tricky
Murkier... I saw me in
my 'typical' garb calling attention
to the lack of attention paid...
with a farway look in my eyes
that I didn't recognise

My happy feet were extinct appendages
and the funny clown was a
practical joke I played on me and the world.

In my bid to keep pace with my love
I had scaled new heights...
transforming from feet up
into a mermaid... struggling but
willing to swim through abyss (strangely it means depth too)
a dangerous depth with fear of losing self.

Slowly, and gradually he swam out
and I remained where I was
deluded and lonely...
Concealed in the annals of my own life

Time for fun again...
From within to without
I pull out the bermuda and
the polka-dotted disguise
On the beachside, I narrate
'happily ever after' tales
to people like me who seek
completeness in other's story
who return to shores with
a sad glint of being unloved by love...

Teeny weeny smiley reason

2008-03-14T23:58:00.003+05:30

A tiny coalish pair

managed to gleam a happy black

even in the almost sunburnt background...

The white teeth an exception to the otherwise uniform expanse.

But the eyes called me back

A happy glint - a rarity in a tin full of

tired frustrated soulsall 9 to 6fiers

who loved magnifyingtheir trivial problems - a la modern tragic heroines

Forget it! we were with the gleam

Gleam inspite of the unwanted statusin an all-ladies domain

the tiny proud temples showing off

beads of wisdom earnt at just 10

And ya! the Boss-style timbre

Man! was I impressed?

For the day...

his smile touched my lips

Day break

2008-03-14T23:38:00.002+05:30

The opening rays of the morning star
Streaked in steady promising shafts
ripping through even the slightest
get-away in trees and cracked roofs -
every visible inch of space...

An anticipatory joy set in.
The first quarter had begun
well in quite okayish way
And now the silent bold support of the sun...
first an all-pervasive crimson
then a deep orange... shrinking
finally to a focussed rich golden yellow

The omen was just right -
could sense a warmth
of a dazzling future rippling now and again
in the back of the retina...

But a pregnant grey monster
invaded the picturesque setting
Delivered a troupe of imps in hundreds
The little devils addded and grew in might

Inch by inch blocking my happy sky.
Till sun was just an exploded almost-dying light
visible in bits and pieces -
a vanquished warrior in the midst
of an obstinately victorious army.

Lost again the few stray
reasons to live...
scrambling on all fours I prayed for
another day or a forever night.

Approaching End

2008-02-28T21:12:00.004+05:30

The bilious taste
gave me a pukish feel...
I could sense the dirty yellowish-green
all inside in full glory

Yuck! I feared this all along
and bang its on my face...
dripping dirty droplets
It couldn't be me
could it?
Throat in finger
I drew blood... which soothed
the burning insides.

The alarm set years ago
had gone off.
The final journey awaited me.
Hung my boots after
the long worthless stint.

Now that bitterness tingled
in every tiny vein -
no antidote
(strange na... once he had called me his antidote)
could do much...

A bitter laughter and
a twisted grimace - cheap substitute
for a smile - I walk
towards the beckoning waves
promising to turn me inside out
and reaching me to welcoming shores.

Deformed

2008-02-26T22:32:00.002+05:30

In my veiled existence
I let go of the last bit
of me in me...

With nothing to offer
I hastily hide and rush for cover
to prevent any familiar gaze to rest
on my unrecognisable self...

Instead of the happy laughter lines
that I always dreamt of...
Failure wrote ugly wrinkles
and left a bitter twist

Then,
Tail tucked under,
Love-hungry stray that I am
I run salivating in my mad pursuit
Leaving a soon-to-be forgotten story
for the world...
Oblivious to the pain of my blood
watching me insanely detached from reality...
Cursed with self-imposed deformity for life.

Tough resolve

2008-01-27T00:25:00.000+05:30

Moon-bathed skin
reflecting deep dreary desires
Lost in sensuous dreams...
Eyes hiding tears of
rejection behind the look
of lustrous casualness

The arrogant lash holding up
against the crumbling weight
of unquenched passion

A mad contradiction
hungry gleam and
the full moon bloom -
a lazy movement of completeness
Scorching the needy skin
with its assured sweet glow

Begging for that one
sensuous caress
The stubborn lash
fighting the rush of tears
that threatened to wipe
away the almost dead hopes...

Salty outbreak into the inners -
corroded little by little
leaving behind just the burning desires
shining on... with deadly resolve

Culmination

2008-01-27T00:11:00.000+05:30

With sharp tingling speed
overhauling deep-held beliefs -
of a day after night
a better life....

Leaving barren tracks
in the half-dead hollow inners
The final lap
giving a weird sense of relief
of some finality finally
away from the ragged existence
of surviving on
miserly alms of love

The final countdown
smilingly a brushing up
a recap of the sad path

A click - the last tick
spasmodic rush
a twitching of the lip
may be the last prayer
begging for a miracle
the last breathe of hope
sighed away
A swish and a slash
a smooth flow out...
a release -
an everlasting embrace of nothingness

A certainty finally
arrived at!

In quest of acceptance

2008-01-15T09:44:00.000+05:30

Paint self
a pleasant pink
And then take on
a raging red
then orgy orange and
a pale yellow
caressing crimson to
a rich purple

But I am destined to be marooned
as I fail to catch your fancy beyond
a few glances

I play the clown
then for effect
add some occasional frowns
Monkeying around to grab
the exclusivity - that you so much hate
to offer...

Lost in the fairy tale mood
I take on the mermaid look
writhe in the seams
of my dreamy ends...
I struggle but the water
levels are rising
I lose you to the earthy grounds
and drown in my own existence...

Standing tall

2008-01-14T09:05:00.000+05:30

Landscaped beauty
with all the propriety demanded
primness became the middle name

In the world
of many firsts and bests
stood tall for the built up
glamour and glory

Crowned and knighted
known to all
In this time-bound pleasure
being a cynosure to many a eye
The end accomplished - truly -
Then preparing to
pass the baton on
And settle to be unique and different
just like the rest of the world...

Sprightly

2008-01-07T11:51:00.000+05:30

A bump and a stumble
But hardly any time to grumble
A pothole or a pit
a pebble or a ditch...
Can't stop the rhythmic stance
A step on the right
a step back left...
a perfect morning dance

Talking to my voice
Looking into my eyes
Listening to the hyper beats
I smile, then I run
and I swing back my hands...
Again my heart takes that joyous leap

I amble, I walk
I pacen upto trot
and then I begin to sail
Talking to the tree tops,
fighting the skyful of kites
and reaching yonder...
yonder to the clouds and back

A warm and sweet halo
and a snuggling of arms...
and the day humming beautiful tunes
All cosy me up in a soft envelope
Putting me to rest when I am awake....

Beauty Revisited

2008-01-03T09:13:00.000+05:30

Following the smooth flow
of your gaze...
watery with wonder...
And I wondered..
squinting to see if
there was any skirmish...
any blotch... any uncalled for
attention-seeking scar...

You continued with your exploration
resting your eyes on a soft tendril
swaying to the beats of a hard-metal loving wind
In one more sweep...
I was conscious
Of a sweet warm glow...

You took a look
and smiled to your self
mocking at me
'how can you be unaware of your glow?'

I squinted again... a happy squint
Feeling like a queen...
in the pupils of your eye
I felt the shower of heaven
in the soft touch of your gaze...

I feel beautiful

Flexible dreams

2007-12-31T18:50:00.000+05:30

Coming of a new year
reminds me of new dreams...
that by mid-year will be faded
and by december down and out

I see the beginning of an end...
a far-sighted perspective..huh?
Well, shedding the thin skin
full of ruptured arteries
Am pulling another dare-devilry
the guts to hope
for an already shattered dream
Tattered... with just an iota of spring
provided by strange stroke of luck...

Time-tested cynicism
versus pure refreshing perspective...
Have a big battle ahead

For now - I will keep
the promise
to dream a reality

A Break

2007-12-30T12:57:00.000+05:30

Amidst the clutter of
brimming spilling thoughts
I found a half-sipped slant glass
of bitter truths
Averting my eyes
looking for a welcome distraction
that I obviously didnt find...
thanks to my obsessive
objective clean up of all other sections

I had to touch that rot...
that I had preserved long
Calling them memories and dreams
I smelt the stench and
saw the pointlessness of it all
And with the help of a
self-mocking laugh...
drank the last bit of the bitter tonic

I let the illusions of a better tomorrow
down the food pipe and out

I took the much-needed break
A break from idle ideal thoughts
a diversion from the deluded path...

A stranger

2007-12-25T18:41:00.000+05:30

This post is dedicated to a person, whom I have never met...actually whom I know only from the past five days... but I feel at peace with his/her virtual presence in my life... It makes me believe that sometimes we see life in a new perspective through someone else's eyes...

My wordy armour
saved that one bit of life
from being further shred
But I lost a lot to this self-made armour
While running away from pain
I ran away from joys... then life

A stranger I met
who read my life without me uttering a word
He looked at me
with knowing eyes and didnt advise me a thing
Just when I was about to move
he held me back with a gaze

He let me be and didn't pretend
to console or understand...
After a while, he read my heart
and asked me to rest
In his unsaid words...
I felt no need to be anything but me...
And I looked at life with a renewed zest...

I keep my wordy armour now
just as an outlet
but all the while I have kept
myself open to the newness of the world...

Leash of life

2007-12-25T18:31:00.000+05:30

You kept putting to another day...
saying we have enough time to make a life
Slowly, I saw the lines
were fading and so was your demeanour

First, you thought we wouldn't get
the folks to nod
Then you felt I deserved someone better
(A great way of saying 'look elsehwere baby')
Now, you wanted that things should settle
And again you had a cribbing or two
About how I always seemed to doubt
your intentions terming every
relation as a liasion...

I looked at happy couples
and thought may be this was
what we would soon be like...
arms in arms, love in eyes,
gestures of warmth all the time -
stuff from Mills and Boons

Lost in thought... you left me behind...
And complained that I couldn't keep up
I rushed to you on all fours
Panting, keeping in pace...
Nodding when you pulled the leash
and tail between my legs...

A new leash of life you gave me!

Poetry

2007-12-24T14:22:00.000+05:30

A dot on the paper
a blot... in need of company
I play god
strecth the dot a little -
a line, a curve, some word, some meaning

All an attempt
to show the surreal power
of building stories....
out of bitterness,
'pain'spired as I call it...

Words used to create
deliberate maze, conscious ambivalence
non-existent layers...

An ego game
An attempt to fill
empty spaces
left by lack of worthwhile pursuits...

The end awaiting me

2007-12-22T23:02:00.000+05:30

In the end...
I guess what will matter..
is nothing...

The final ounce of life
lost the battle...
I failed to make you understand
for the umpteenth time...

Now I know
you were incapable of loving
but I was putting up a heroic fight
from the outside...
Secretly, hoping to die

After losing the thinly-spread dignity
worn off in many places...
patched up roughly to keep
the physical blow of the sight minimum

Shame-heartedly, proud-facedly
I walked away from you
Scared to be an embarassment to you...

You and Me

2007-12-22T01:07:00.000+05:30

Vine-like embrace
Affecting my existence
Reaching the depths as I lie
Under your overpowering presence
No other thing touching me
If this is the only feeling I have
So be it... its my idea of contentment
Having known completeness... blending with you
Any other touch, any other world only seems incomplete...

Weird logic ??!!#$%^

2007-12-22T01:02:00.000+05:30

Caution and love
Hand in hand?

Friends advise to take thinsg easy
be held back
and to not trust blindly
not to be too attached

But isn't love all about
being the opposite all that they advise?
Isn't love all about
what I am?
Stupidly, insecuredly, madly
in love...

How can I walk yet stop?
Shut up and speak?
Smile with unsmiling eyes
Visualise without beleieving?
Love without being attached?

Heights

2007-12-22T00:55:00.000+05:30

At a height of about 84 K feet
from sea level
I peered through the window..

Below (...love looking down upon people... teeheehee)
I saw a sea of clouds - condensed and pregnant
Ready to deliver

Not realising...
I was one of them
Alone, aiming high... suspended in the middle of nowhere

Lost the day, lost my way
In this self-set trap
I was caught in

Heights of delinquency
Heights of self-denial..in the name of acquiring
Hieghts of loss
Heights of love

Just another feather in the cap

2007-12-22T00:49:00.000+05:30

A proud display of colours
Blue, green and fawn
All but gone
Robbed of its glory
Plucked ruthlessly by hands beloved

Whole-heartedly gave in to
this sacred sacrifice
Dropping the distinct identity and beauty...
Assuming it's a seasonal change
Awaiting monsoon...

The wait continues
The year began and now ended with autumnal winds

The living glory
Vanquished
Reduced to being just one more face
among many
A feather in the cap of its captor

A little more of you...

2007-12-22T00:44:00.000+05:30

Turning back...
I decided to leave you alone,
after accepting defeat and giving into
the fact that i failed to
penetrate the inner recesses of your mind
the deepest core of your heart
the hidden essence of your existence...

I lost to you
all that I had
And I knew I was asking for the impossible
But some mad hope
pushed me to take that one last chance -
Of staying and seeing if I could change
the unchangeable reality...

Still, I continue with that one last chance
Hopelessly, resigned to defeat...
But used to the idea of believing
that even your rejection has you in it...

And I take that rejection as a part of you...
because forever I crave a little more of you.

A stray thought...

2007-12-22T00:42:00.000+05:30

A thought crept into my mind...
As I saw my dreams laughing heartlessly at me
Smeared in the blood of rejection...
They gave another short laugh before taunting:
"Thats the fate of foolish dreamers -
who hope for the impossible"

I looked at my ten fingers
Stretched before me... begging in infinite space
Of the empty asylum cell
Just as I did when u were around...

Insanity couldn't kill the pain...
I looked for a way to liberty...
a little relief for me and you
I slept with shame and hope
for death

May be a new chapter would begin
for both you and me...
So now i dream a possible dream
Wish death will be a little kind to me

Finally I will heed to you
I will rest - eternally.

Alienation

2007-08-01T18:20:00.000+05:30

Tears
Have a mind of their own
Never bothering about strangers’
Uncaring glances
Or curiosity

Breeze fans a little
Consolation
Gently humming the cliché
Life’s like that
Well
As if I didn’t know

Strangely
Every drop only brought
Me closer to its cause
I didn’t look for relief
Our union was in my grief

There was always relief at hand
Used and addicted to the pain
I am comfortable in an alien world
You living on like everyday
Just me still bound to you

Alienated
In your presence
In my grief
In our love.

Awake and dying

2007-07-10T19:14:00.000+05:30

With every wakeful moment
Rose a dread
So utterly powerful
It stifled
The last remains
Of a faintly-breathing desire
for existence

Ecstasy
Only available as a pill
To hungrily grab
Small doses of
Suspension from
The ache
Persistent, arrogant
Because it could afford to be
After all,
I belonged to it
In its clutches
I lay with
Half-dripping eyes

Awake
Heck! Dying every moment

Destiny

2007-07-05T17:00:00.000+05:30

The ashen heart
Torn by the dual desires
Of moving away
Yet staying back
Slowly breathed its last
Away
Far away
In a crowd
Of faces
That were
De-familiarised
In an attempt
To
Gain
Acceptance
By the One
Who calmly
Walked his way
Probably
Death
Was welcome
With its
Eternal embrace
Undemanding
After
The first touch

Loving like a dead woman

2007-06-21T01:28:00.000+05:30

Melting not into your arms
But within the limited dimensions
Of self
Inebriated
The frequent chasms inside
Beyond-repair-mind and the perennially-numbed-heart

You never lose heart
But you lose it
Irreversibly
Eyes first
You dive into a known area
Dangerous for its fooling familiarity

Partly functional me
Alive in pieces
{Ears to hear
Eyes to see
Mouth to speak
Heart to beat
Mind to lose}for
You…

Choices: (a),(b),(c)….n
Note: all choice boils down to
Living…
Loving like a dead woman

The Inside Story

2007-03-28T20:15:00.000+05:30

The concentration
Intensified by severe suppression
Dull-looking acid
Did not roll out of twin tear-pools
But moved from the brimming sockets
Within…
Slid down the maze of cerebral channels
Burning tracks where they touched
Then within the arterial columns…
Uuuhh
Saline water on scalded interiors
Eating the slackened drive-less sinews
Release of extra burden of the physical
Melting three beings within me
Pale outer inner and deeper
Hollowness covered in skin thin robes

Marriage

2007-03-24T20:51:00.000+05:30

Me and You
Could never get past
The “space” we rightly
Gave ourselves

‘We’ ignored
There lay the empty space
Stinking of oft-buried
Messy talks to be dealt with later

Shunted in our individual space
Smelling of half-decaying flesh
Half-dead soul
The stench of private sphere
Unbearable and unbreakable now
Gave us another reason to
Stay chained in our incomplete individuality

Bound by a yoke
Aiming for unattainable union
Of half-blooded rotten halves…

Island of Love

2007-03-09T23:01:00.000+05:30

Breaking the humdrum of waves
And speeding away in the old
Not-really-exotic launch
The wait was long…
But your company was all that mattered

Fluttering heart and churning stomach
Company for my venture into newer territory
Spring-footed and light
Floating not on water
But much above…

Lost myself
On the way…
A sweet loss
Much sweeter gain
Away from any restrictive thought
Found
An island of love

Do I care about “happily-ever-after” ?

2007-02-23T00:42:00.000+05:30

The book of life
Took a long time to complete
24 years of life covered in descriptive 300 pages
Haphazard associations, quirky connections
Meaningful maze!!

You walked in just before the end
A perfect U-turn…. A perfect twist
Blurred the old, drab now redundant meaning
… added a new perspective

At the end, it’s a new beginning
A happy tour-de-

Your presence in the present a present
And now, do I care for the “happily-ever-after

Passing Days and Failing Me

2007-02-23T00:35:00.001+05:30

Life is forlorn
From the day you are gone
To the distant world
Of practicality

Smile arrives like once-a-year guest
Only for particular occasions
Laughter- fair weather friend- left
Without the faintest trace
Happiness seems like an alien
Heard of but never really experienced
Peace looks like the ugly ruins
Of a deadly blast
Living seems like
24*7, 7 days a week and 365 days a year job

The only weather I know
Is the stillness of the dull afternoon air…

No changing hues
No dawn and dusk
No day and night…

Breathing, beating, blinking
Passing days and failing me

Some Lasting Impression!!

2007-02-23T00:20:00.000+05:30

Epics –
No more written
In honour of legendary men/women

Homo sapiens in their attempt
To be
“the homo sapien”
Take the help of hi-flying machines
Which in their quest
To encircle the world
Leave 2 streaks of gaseous remnants
Ejecting their life forces from behind

The shelf life of this lasting impression
Is less than an hour
The gases scatter…
Impressions simply fade away
Personalities remain in some obscure text books
Forced down the throats
Of a million sleepy, bored students
By an equally bored impassioned teacher.

Love Exposed

2007-02-22T23:11:00.000+05:30

The serene push to the eyelids
Gentle awakening by soft hands
Of the crimson-turning-golden rays
Cradling me to wakefulness…

Snug and warm, could only see
The now cozily warm sun
Soaked and sleepy, I regaled…
With time, the soft dreamy insides of my eyelid
Turned nervy red…
Sleep now a lost proposition…
Rosy wariness gave way to burning reality
The rays shone with an evil green halo

Love exposed.

Passe

2007-01-11T21:03:00.000+05:30

Not a perfect ‘O’
Not milky ivory white
But a faint half-muddy-pale-orange
Hardly befitting its past glory…
The Muse of many poets…

Struggling amongst a thousand teeny weenie
Original stars and the lit stars
To gain a small watery space
To reflect its unshapely self

Glory now a thing of the-good-old-days
It was the same… same was the lake
Stagnation and reluctance killed it
In a time obsessed with pushing the envelope
A little further…
With perfecting perfection…

Parallels

2007-01-11T21:02:00.000+05:30

Parallels are enjoyable
Only in the poems
They don’t appeal much to a
Much-tired soul

In the early morning mist…
Looking for patterns in semi-dark sky
Silhouettes added trouble
To the already webbed mind

Life seemed almost there
Too close…
Single-tracked in attempt
To reach for the parallelly-rising sun -
Backlighting the fast-paced silhouettes

Funny! Wasn’t running after the destination
But side by side…
What did I expect?!
The train came to a halt
At Churchgate

Rebound…
A backward journey chalked…
Peel by peel
Dreams –existing in a parallel world - disabled

Long-due Abortion

2007-01-11T21:01:00.000+05:30

9 months plus 25 years

The umbilical chord
Cut before the 25 years
Of silver jubilee existence

Bearer held onto the borne
With weak-womby-wishes
25 years too long a time
To remain obliged
For about only 3/4th year of pain
Lopsided equation…

Need for abortion
The right incision is all it took
Snap!
To set free the famished nourishing soul

Abortion - legalised

Night Blind

2007-01-11T20:58:00.000+05:30

Pupils strained
To make sense of the darkness
Outside
Defeated courage forbade
Inward glance
For fear of unface-able ugliness

The pitch dark
Of the unknown forest night
Not as blinding as the inward
Lack of light

Turn conveniently night-blinds

i found a fiend

2007-01-11T20:52:00.000+05:30

I found…

F un loving soul
R oaming with me
I n sweet words
E nthralled me
N ot a vice I could spot
D onning her innocent face

One day I found…

F ilthy mind
I n that helpless body
E xpert in the art of fooling
N aive souls like me
D umb enough not to realize….

That R (our) is just hogwash there
A snare meant to snap and kill
The stupid souls whose vision
Of world had still not grown up

I found a fiend.

I dress for the occasion

2006-11-26T12:17:00.000+05:30

Hiding my red blood
Gown of love…
I ran through tough terrains
With downcast eyes
Trying to get away from known strangers
And unknown people

Now. I hid behind a rundown stairs
My gown caught in a rusted rail
Huh! Successful in escaping my mom’s friend’s daughter’s husband
By a whisker

Now. I stumbled upon a stone
In my attempt at speeding away
From my colleagues at station
A patch of dirty brown peeped
From the left knee of my gown
Huh! Escaped every familiar eye
By an inch

Now. Hungry and thirsty
I looked for a familiar friendly hand
To offer some comfort…
By now they were the then-friends
Truly formal friends

I ambled. I fell. I crawled.
I leapt at your sight.
I knocked at your door…
You did not recognise the
Tatter clad me…
My pride lost. My grandeur…
My self as you saw it

I lay there in my most naked form
Revealing my true self to you…
You could not handle it…

Now I hide from self.
Everyday in a fresh, crisply ironed suit
Full of practiced pride and perfected grandeur

I dress for the occasion.

Soundless Music

2006-11-11T18:21:00.000+05:30

Brightness walked in a bunch
Into the as usual crowded bus no. 374…
Transporting me to a different world

Never heard words resonate
With such intensity
When spoken by hands
Eyes and noiseless lips
The din of the evening brushed
In a wave of silent music

The human spirit
Rose with adolescent feet
Tip-toeing silently to the heights
Never reached by earful and mouthful mortals

Every movement struck a chord
Stirring the insides…
As I basked in soulful soundless music

Fate

2006-10-18T20:38:00.000+05:30

Resigned to the feeling
Of being heavy and soaked
Could not take any more

Bad blood
That’s what I earned
At the end of it all

Discarded after enough use
Tossed away to some street bin
Surrounded by strays

Even the impurity of your love
The bad blood was not for me…
Torn to shreds by conniving canines…

Inverted Me!

2006-10-11T22:05:00.000+05:30

Lost in union
Tied in a band of gold
Leashed to a
Imaginary black-beaded bond

Dreams of togetherness
Dreams of beauty
Dreams of life
Dreams of us
Dwelling in bliss

My head turned upside down
Unraveled layers of cerebrum
Sputtered with blood-stained
Bright dreams

Last moments of life
Left-over left brain thought laterally
It was never WE…
But a fantasy… just
W actually inverted M
Oh! So it was just
Inverted ME…

Natural Transition

2006-10-11T20:39:00.000+05:30

Always been a papa’s gal
Frank, confident and incisive
Pampered for all the right-wrong reasons
Mocked mamma about being docile
The pati-vrata kinds…
Bowing to will and wish of
Every one in the family…
A big compromise

No more pampered
No grass to relish comfortably
No more coyish cues heeded

A shadow shaping
As per the sun’s mood for the day
Almost invisible and lost
In the heat of many moments
Existence now stamped beneath

Never knew
Had so much of “x” factor in me-
So much of mamma in me

No not a compromise
… for me … a natural transition!

___________________

2006-10-07T19:04:00.000+05:30

They pull you into a
whirlpool of delusions
Never letting you rest in peace
You can never be
the old you anymore
As you keep pushing the envelope
Alittle further
Athinking mind and a restless heart
obviously a fatal twosome...

After visualising the world of impossible
Who can settle for something lesser?
Delay only makes life seem
like an inane drag...
Whipping wishes wound...
But you are never cured of delusions
Hope of achieving the impossible
adds salt and pepper to the whip lash

Beware!
Dreams are dangerous

Living

2006-10-07T18:52:00.000+05:30

Tempted to feel
the free fall
Embrace easy death -
A reliever of ache.

Just a loosening of the
now-slackening grip
Always wanted to die alive
The fresh morning breeze
Playing music with my senses
Ears tuned to age-old memories
(The only blessing of progressive technology)
Thoughts- as usual- coming back to you
My face a superb hybrid combo of
Sorrowful eyes- rueful that I cant have you
Half-smiling lips- happy that
I found you - a passing touch

The shiny twin tracks
beckon to end the track of pain
I resist the temptation to ease
And continue living...
.. an everyday death.

Happy Curve

2006-10-07T18:47:00.000+05:30

Smile...
Wind caught in the frizz
Playing music..
Ripple effect...
Naked joy... the joy of being

Frozen moment...
one moment of joy
Does eternity remain captured
in one snapshot?
Or is it a sore reminder
Of the past joy and
a future that never will...

Future

2006-10-07T18:37:00.000+05:30

Gazing on..
Every obstacle seemed to
lead to a bluer sky
The sky of our imagination...

Blues never seemed so perfect!

Facing further
Back-facing the past...
A smile so full of joy
in our parted togetherness

Emptiness

2006-09-18T20:14:00.000+05:30

Less painful than death?
Lot more like lifelessness

Clutching air in hungry fists
Gulping in desperation at
Dried drops
A defeated battle fought
For the reward –
Emptiness

Holding on to the watery reflection
Of moon… soon to be
Disturbed by the ripples
Heart’s faint pounding
In search of the beat
……..
Employment agency could have found
Enough vacancy
grasped at once…
Well! Emptiness filled every corner
Brimming over…

Absence filled my presence
A formlessness galloped
And controlled reins

Fighting a faceless foe
Groping.. grappling… gawking…
Emptiness, the eternal enemy.

Absence of nectar

2006-09-17T21:36:00.000+05:30

Nectar is to be shared
Flowering desires and
Accompanied juices gather
Brimming bowl sipped
By buzzing bee

Wish! The sipping lasted longer
Longer and more longer

Fading and withering
One day of survival too
Is really long

Absence of nectar
Bitterness of longing
Lasts long….

Touch

2006-09-17T21:28:00.000+05:30

Rains lashing in slants
On the sagging 3-wheeler roof…
Tiny tear drops
Dropping in deliberate drool
Disciplined drill-like

I gather a drop
On the ring finger…
The cool of a single drop
Touched in the deepest way…
Washed away my adult immunity

Awakened!
By a touch…

A decision

2006-09-17T21:19:00.000+05:30

Undecided destination
No big dream
What is a horizon?
A virtual meeting…
All the same … beautiful

Does the sky want to meet
the sea?
They look beautiful
In parted togetherness
They are a combination
Belonging to blurred surreal realm

Now I am the sea
And he the sky…
Ignited by few moments
at dawn and desk…
Must meet to depart…
Meet again.

Life is limited
even to the limitless sky
and the far-reaching sea…

To live separately united
A decision.

life of a breath

2006-09-10T21:56:00.000+05:30

To the count of 4
Taken in
The life of a breath
Is short and quick

One short journey
One touch
One warm body

Forgotten by the body
once exhaled...
Entered as life-giver
Gave life and lost itself

Lost forever
To the world
Changed for life
In a jiffy…
Taken in and breathed out

To mingle with other
Free-floating but lonely
Suspended air molecules

Sting Cleaning

2006-08-20T11:27:00.000+05:30

In the solitude of
Four walls of a watery room..
Came face to face with deceptive desires
Mission demolish desires was called
For immediate action…

Steaming hot water and
Dexterous, vigorous handwork for
15 minutes resulted in
the uprooting of the doomed desires.

Desires with dirty lather
Ran down the drain…
Relief! Not for long
Some part of the desires
Had little life left in them…
Flew with the vapours and
Settled on the corner mirror

Wet fingers wrote the two
Now-disjointed names one last time
On the thin vapory layer…
Soon wiped away by the abstinent hands…

Bouts of Patriotism

2006-08-20T10:57:00.000+05:30

Four lions back-to-back
Each facing a different direction
Roaring, raring to go…

saffron and green conveniently divided
by peace talks – white veiled valley
The wheel of time hardly moved an inch
Spokes speak a spiky story.

Approaching 60, a major landmark
Let “spirits” gather…
To cheer a mere 3-run victory
And then die down… or fade into a weak shadow-

A thin line between fear and helplessness…

Mid-August and late-January
Bring tears of patriotism to the eyes
Barring the losses and wins in cricket.

Free! In the true sense…
Unbound, unattached…. Unaffected

Cheers!!!

Requiem

2006-07-29T22:00:00.000+05:30

In praise of the living dead
who lost to the game of life
their pursuits bigger but reach?
losers of fourth grade
deserve no mention otherwise
so this is for losers
spelt with a capital L

Souls caught in petty issues
Like me-first and i-won
Their epitaphs will read
Traveled 260 miles per hour
Reached hell/heaven in record time
And they will smile gleefully
Boasting about it to poor yawny angels

Bragsters thrown down for another life

Oh! Gotta have another draft now.

Squash(ed)

2006-06-23T23:50:00.000+05:30

Solo game.
Ball is forever in my court!
Tossing ideas that are never
actually bounced around or even set free..
Tiny ten ounce brains
Troubled with trillion thoughts
My trivial truths (am I sure?)
Labelled and tossed into the recycle bin
Obviously fused out ideas.

Wonder why we call
lemon squash lemon squash?
Gotcha... why recycle bin?
F4... cycle continues

Future Forward

2006-06-23T23:46:00.000+05:30

Unbroken lines narrating tales of
broken dreams...
Through the blurry screen
Across the 4 feet distance
of the moving machine
Amongst a sea of normal faces
I stare at a pair of
vacant experienced eyes
In their insanity I see
from point blank range
My final sojourn away from maddening normalcy.

Pained Poesy

2006-06-07T22:39:00.000+05:30

Tear conceived, not wet tear…
Fear of water erasing the fabric paint
I don…
Crystallized much before it
Reflects in its prism
The many shaded rainbow of pain.

Crystallized but not fully gone
Only moved from without to within
Condensed choking chasm

Recycled thoughts of pain
Finding release in pained poesy…

No Kite Runner

2006-06-07T22:22:00.000+05:30

Heart has a mind of its own
Located at the tail end…
Just follows mindlessly and
Accompanies it in its tryst with dare-devilry
Works only when enough
Irreversible irreparable damage is done…

Winged, it leaps upward
Elated by embracing the wind…
A moment of stormy rendezvous
The moment!
Heights reached and conquered…

…Leave a desire for more
More such heights…
Zipping through mazes
Competition stifling the flight
Cut-throat …
Strings snapped. Flights cut short.

Unfortunately no kite runner…

Spectral Performance

2006-05-29T15:19:00.000+05:30

Residing in a second world
Never an easy job
Gave up the world I belonged to
For second grade treatment in a second world
Mere specter walking beside you…
Noticeable to none… kept away from
Full-blood(y)ed people who matter

Being there yet not being there
Dreaming of a world
Existing only in empty space in my skull…

Claims by idealists of love without expectations
Don’t ring true when u live in a world of uncertainty
Knowing very well that two worlds will be two
It’s a helpless love… rendered helpless because
It believes in an impossible dream… an unattainable target
It expects still…

The spectral bond is felt
But no touchable tangible proof of love
No claims…
Living in a present which ends in hanged future

A specter haunted by its own image
Wanting in form… de-garbing its invisibility to the world
Desiring to be seen with you… as yours
Before life mockingly passes through

Wishing that the spectral performance ends
In a form… in a bond… a union
Where I transcend from being formless
To being safely defined in the knots of togetherness…
Visible to the world
Curtains.

Love Remains

2006-05-29T14:42:00.000+05:30

Nurtured the wounded heart with saline water
Breathing life into the dead weight of rejection
It grew within me
Not in my womb but in the whole of me
Slowly it spread, weakening joints first
Working its way up, broke down the networks
Numbness of existence it left on the way

Tentacled now, held me with diamond grip
Reached its desired destination
With vengeance hit at the throne of desire
Blocked its whimsical flow and ebb
Its fanciful hub-dub
Suffocated the arteries and veins
Of desire in one powerful grip

Pain released itself with the death of heart
…transformed itself into numbness
Suspended for eternity…
Waiting to find another fool.

Life.. sucked beautifully

2006-05-29T14:35:00.000+05:30

In the hour of need, in desperation
You groped, felt for me.
Turned to feel my presence
Reassured you got down to
One thing you are so good at…
Sucking life out of me
In hungry gulps…
Pinching and biting for fear of sudden dryness
Forcing me to be as you wish…

Taking life yet not leaving me lifeless
Taking away the essence yet completing me..
Helping me see myself in a new light…
As a selfless satiating spring

death raced past you

2006-05-02T18:34:00.001+05:30

Slow and steady…
Slow it was. Steady ?
Waiting near the finish line…
Few minutes left.
I had a deadline to meet
Death, the task master
Never cared much…
For unfulfilled desire…
Teary eyed I pleaded for
A few moments.
The horizon didn’t brighten
With your silhouette …
Bruised hope, tired eyes
Flickering desire…

Death now a much-needed sedative
Descended and lulled me to eternal rest
Nursed the vacant eyes and the incised heart
Relaxed the final fluttering of half-dead hope

Death raced before you
And said I do...
Walking down the aisle
I crushed my body, soul and heart
and with them you...
You were and are still just the best man...

Death didn’t part us…
Just snapped the last strings of hope of
“till death do part us”

twist in the tale

2006-05-02T18:31:00.000+05:30

Fairy tales never amazed me.

Half-believing in the divine justice
And existence of humanity
Weaving webs which would
Ultimately be just that- a web
But idiotic ideals
Fell prey. Got caught in the
Mad world of beauty and lies
Lies I fed
To make this world a bearable place

Happy endings and happy pictures
were bygones for the world
But I continued uncaringly…
Because that was the only get away
Fairy tales, castles I built
In my asylum…
Exiled from the world of reality
Sanity dead, hope alive
Far removed, far far away

Twist in the tales…
Sad faces peering at my happy world
Pity me…
And I them

Unspeakable

2006-05-02T18:26:00.001+05:30

If lustrous eyes could tell tales
Of despair and emptiness
If luminous smile could reveal
The dull aching pain
If liveliness could unveil itself…
And disclose
The secret desire of death
If existence could disappear
And expose the dead soul…
If the exterior cool could crack
And show the self-inflicted immolation

Talking about all my wonderfully deceptive traits..
You would be mourning my death.

for keep's sake...

2006-05-02T18:20:00.000+05:30

For keep’s sake

Adorning premises of his life
Was the duty given
The role clearly was a thankless one
Had been warned beforehand
No returns were to be expected…
The flower plucked looks beautiful
But actually is preparing for its
Eventual death… wither into anonymity.
Just a moment’s glory

She was a keep sake
There to please and satisfy him
Long since she had left behind her origin
Who she was and what was her future
Life seemed to have merged
In an imaginary way with his…
But it was not a balanced equation
She was just there for keep’s sake

She gave away sap
Just wanted the returns
Unknowingly he planted the seeds
Of her future…

Now she couldn’t be a mere keep
She left with her cursed treasure in liquid form..
She defied her role
Grew beyond it…
She wrote her own role
And assayed it with flair
No more there for keep’s sake…

Passing days and Failing me

2006-03-27T09:17:00.000+05:30

Life is forlorn
From the day you are gone
To distant worlds

Smile arrives, like once-a-year guest,
Only for some particular occasion.
Laughter, fair-weather friend, left
Without the faintest trace
Happiness now an alien…
Heard about but never really experienced.
Peace lies like ugly ruins
Of a deadly blast.
Living now is...
24*7, 365 days a year job.

The only weather I know
Is the never-ending all-pervading stillness
Of the afternoon air…
No changing hues, no dawn and dusk
No days and night
No seasons, no reasons…

Beating, breathing, blinking…
Passing days and failing me.

..................

2006-03-24T00:30:00.000+05:30

Dead for the past one year

Lived life for no reason
But lived anyway…
Had lost twin desires of my womb
Now am nurturing the pain of loss.
Time heals…
Ya, it does erase all visible signs
So that the world feels
There’s no more pain.
Pain has worked its way up
Now it’s a forever ache
Maybe for life…

Maybe some tiny kicks
On my breast with release the lump
Swallowed since long
Twinkling eyes, tottering toes, tantrum tales
Will bring some light
Will sound a new ring
Will bring back that impatience
Which I long for

Consoled the punctured womb
With a soul - severed umbilical chord
A bond transcending throes
Hope to join the umbilical chord
After birth…

Decided to live life from the first death anniversary.

Jailed for life

2006-03-24T00:29:00.000+05:30

Looking through the barred door
Gazing outside the window
Was allotted just a square eyeful of sky
Painted on the limited canvas
Stray thoughts of freedom
Obviously could not fly in limited sky

Through barred door saw mere formidable
Stone walls, stone men and stoned men
Breaking concurrent circles…
Only in the heart of hearts
Mind too meek to make much out of this
Heart v/s mind match
Was a way of killing time

Inmates too busy being mechanically trained
For routine drill (rhymes with grill)
Timid to the point of …
Accepting tailor-made life
Happy for the small blessings
For living of other’s guidance

Incongruity my sin
Incorrigible to the core
Insolence could not be tolerated
I had to merge with the universal We
Failing which…

Looking through the barred door
I stripped, clothed with uniformity…
Jailed for life.

The scorching sun

2006-03-13T13:23:00.000+05:30

You are the sun…
Giver of light and life.
Revolving around you is my being
Forever attached to you in an imaginary bond
Yet not deniable.

You tempt… playing games…
Day and night follow…
Now you give hope and now you snatch it…
To remind me that
You cant belong to me…
I am one of those many… who live because of you.
But in me, life is because of you.
Your rays my only hope…

In circles, I move… hopeful…
But sun that you are
You scorch, burn and keep me alive
To die in flames of burning hope…

Man-infested Love...

2006-03-13T00:18:00.000+05:30

Touchwood! But its late…
The roots are loosened…
Me left lifeless… reduced to a mound.
Robbed of love.
Flower, put to better use…
Adornments, decorations and slow death.
Wilting, withering…

Would be united in death…
Petals with mound… and then one earth…
But life took its toll…
Now its death sentence for life…

Manifestation of love

2006-03-13T00:15:00.000+05:30

A mound of earth like many others.
Nothing strikingly different…
Living, waiting for giving away self…
And the season arrived…
Sowing seeds of hope and fruition...
My hunger for company
And desire to nurture that forever-relationship
Was satisfied with a seed that fell into my lap.
Things seemed perfect.

Lost in the joy of
Creating my own world…
Gave it every ounce, every bit.
The roots spread slowly…
Tickling and touching my soul…
Spreading joy and hope for happiness.
Slowly I saw my hope grow…
Stem and shoot and leaf
And the most tender bud…

Joy knew no bound…
The colour of joy spread to
The blooming flower… my creation
Manifestation of my love.

Divine Touch

2006-03-12T23:41:00.000+05:30

Whole self felt cleansed.
Years of collected muck and misery
Wiped in one soft touch…
Weather-beaten to feather-touched…

World still is a better place.
There’s scope for retribution…
An oasis.
And what a way to feel cleansed!
One touch. One brush of cheeks.
One hand clenching ours.
One look devoid of deception.
A kick that wakes me from
The stupor of fast-paced life…
Tottering steps that lead me on
The toughest terrains with angelic optimism…

And the whole world is worth.
Living no more a burden...

Core Complete

2006-03-12T23:39:00.000+05:30

Traversed the world of given.
The world of self…
The world of me, me and me.
The circle was complete
Each dear one a part of it.

Still I only went half the world around.
Half the hemisphere was missing.
Discovered self…through profession,
Through relations, through rivals,
Through mundane things.

The world’s different now.
Beyond me and myself.
The hemisphere’s are together…
In an unexplainable yet unbreakable
Bond…
No more revolutions or looking without…
But looking within.

Not the periphery, not the circle…
The centre is still… the union is divine.
The core is complete.

Rooted Wings-II

2006-03-12T19:29:00.000+05:30

… desires gnaw, scratch the surface
to uncover the hidden desires..

The wings are burning with desire
Pent up for years…
Last effort… to create
Enough downward thrust for
The coveted upward leap of joy…
The culmination of desire.

The thrust only crumbled the crust.
The layer lay ugly and distorted.
The binding roots too gave way.

Uprooted, crest-fallen,
Wings took flight
To fall flat on the burial grounds…

Roots and wings and me…
…. Now mere nothingness.

Love

2006-03-12T16:39:00.000+05:30

This poem was written way back in 1999 when i was in 11th standard.
Its kiddish but special. hope u enjoy it.

LOVE

Love to me lies in your deep eyes.
Love to me in your intense voice.
Love to me is in your affectionate pat.
Love to me is in your lively chat.
Love to me is in your smile so sweet.
Love to me is in your that mischievous peep.
Love to me is in your every action, sane and insane.
Love to me is in your concern for my gain and pain.
Love to me is in your care and nurture.
Love to me is in your untold promise of the future.
Love to me is lies in whatever you do.
Love to me is you and only you.

Rooted Wings

2006-03-08T10:27:00.000+05:30

The dawn beckons with tantalising
rays of hope.
Mirroring the explosive, fast-spreading desire
My wings look up at the sky...
fluttering wildly with imagined happiness.
The naughty wind adds to
the exciting pace of surging desire
to burst with life.. the moment of ecstasy.

The sky and me are made for each other.
Winged, i try to reach for the ultimate union...
Up and up, the wind supports..
But the roots are deeply buried
Secure roots hold me back
strangle the upsurging desires final leap
till they fizz out and lie lifeless

Flights of fancy allowed once in a while
a quick glimpse of the rosy sky
to quench the deep desires
..of rooted wings.

Taste of Sorrow

2006-03-06T16:05:00.000+05:30

Thunder, lightning...followed by torrential rains
caused it to overflow...
Two outlets it had.
It crossed the banks in two separate streams.
Both had minds of their own...
moving in erratic patterns
over the taut barren surface.
They converged and entered..
...I savoured the salty taste of sorrow.

Why the why's

2006-03-01T07:37:00.000+05:30

The need to decipher, accomplish
Reach the bottom of it all.
To strip it off the elegant mystery
See the naked truth.
That envelops it, beautifies.
The silhouette has its misty charm
Traceable but not fully knowable
But cent percent enjoyable, rejoicable and experiencable.
Why strip it off its being?
Peeling it off layer by layer..
Till its no more itself.
To make it one identifiable thing, name-able
It has to be possessed, pin-pointed for future reference.
Why the why's?
For the power equation...
trampling identities to make them more
digestible and user friendly
The cry of victory...
....eureka.

Cover Story

2006-02-18T11:13:00.000+05:30

The cover has to be attractive.
It’s a package deal, you see.
It has to have something for everyone…
Reflecting life today(?)
The gloss is a must and
A dash of fashion too.
Do you expect people to accept bland things?
Saleability counts… not just to you
But to all from the presswallah to the paperwallah.
Its business you see.

Modeling things on exclusive helps.
Hype is a must to create enough demand.
Old maxims are dying without trace.
Whoever said “Empty vessels make more noise”,
Forgot that people are busy with multi-tasking…
So one who makes the max (right) noise
Is believed to have it all.

Cover story with proper cover design=
Increased market value.
Endorse yourself through right cover story
Or you will be last seen in some corner obituary column.

Whose Father's What Goes?

2006-02-18T11:11:00.000+05:30

The 2 BHK , 100 sq feet house
Houses 3 great people-
3 blessed with the gift of gab.
Their world was their nest
Nest that nurtured their ever-growing egos.
They talk because they want the world to know
That they excel in worldly affairs.
They comment, they judge, they laugh, they sneer,
They show the cold-shoulder to the poorly-blessed.
They blame, they scoff, they say-
World is no more a better place to be.

Their nest is spic and span…
Thanks to maids and cooks.
Outside 1000 sq feet what happens
Is not their concern- as they say-
Whose father’s what goes?

Peak Pressure

2006-02-17T13:23:00.000+05:30

Top men/women are in demand
for Top slot and Top position.
Peak is the best place to be.
Because being numero uno matters.
you become You only if you are on top
Or you become one among many you's.

Taught to tread the steep terrain
of success with single-mindedness..
The backpack is filled with only
"necessary"(who decides?) items.
The trek has only one aim-
be on top and stay there
or atleast let your name linger.
(An added burden!!!)

Here, however, pressure increases
as you reach higher heights...
the density is high too...
what with so many people vying for the zenith.
Crowding its periphery...moving closer
closer, closer...the pressure increases.

A few brave hearts manage a foot hold.

A few wait for the one on top to fall
atleast a few notches down!

Morrie questioned: "whats wrong in being second best?"
A few learnt this sweet lesson the hard way.
They continue to live and enjoy the journey...
they are happy with the large expanse at their diposal

But a few unfortunates...too weak to carry on
Scared to leave the journey half way
Too timid to accept so-called-failure
Take one final leap....
downward...
expecting a final recognition...mentioning of name...
died-fighting-for-kind (what for??)
From desire to be on top ,they find solace
in the abyss of annonimity...
in the abyss of the unknown.

Incomplete

2006-02-14T12:15:00.000+05:30

The wholeness of things are stressed.
We have to be self-sufficient…
Stand on our feet…
(where are the roots though?)
The world only loves strong men
Errr… and women

Now we have 2 conflicting worlds.
Of self and others.
Of you and me.
Of us and them.
Of this and that.
Of men and women.
Of white and black.
Of good and bad.

Dare we cross the borders!
Dare we move away from the completeness!
Dare we cross the barriers!
Boundaries are drawn to make complete picture.
Then why on earth should people lose themselves…
Why become half-individuals?
Why become incomplete?

Silence

2006-02-03T07:18:00.000+05:30

The voice thundered full of confidence.
The thrill of being heard was felt.
The power, the glory
of knowledge, of words.
The voice carried a distinct quality
the speech carried it too.
What they call it nowadays...
ah! the mark of individualism.

The thundering voice lost its sheen
not just to others but to my ears too.
It was mere sound
To be heard but to be felt.

Mark of individualism met a noisydeath.
Silence still had its velvety touch...
A sense of calm coupled with music...

I sleep like a baby...

2006-01-28T09:48:00.000+05:30

I sleep like a baby…

I sleep like a baby…
With a smile on my face reflecting
Happy dreams and idyllic landscapes.
The inner world is insulated from
The cruelty of the outer world.

The smile’s because of happy oblivion.
The smile’s there because I am removed from the world.
Blanketed in the warm idealistic dreams
Of happiness and content and laughter and peace
And smiles and colours.
The smile’s there because
I don’t need reason to smile…

The joy of progressing at tottering speed is enough.
The joy of living is enough.
The joy of wondering at the beauty of this world is enough.
The joy of experiencing this world is enough.
The joy of no-strings-attached affection
and unconditional love is enough.

I still sleep like a baby…
With a smile on my face…
Tough times have brought wrinkles
But the crinkles of laughter and smiles
Are not replaced by a frown…

But for how long??

Will not halt at...

2006-01-25T09:20:00.000+05:30

Stopping every now and then
Is too time-consuming.
Take the easy route…
Be focused …look only at the goal.
Horse-like…
‘Train’ed for life.

So what if the sunrise is beautiful?
And the breeze is refreshing?
So what if there’s so much to look around?
So what if halting at all stations is
an experience in itself?
So what?

Life is about achieving, growing, knowing
Showing…but not about just being.
Fast-paced and tailor-made for the fast world.
Shorter the time taken to reach…lots have you achieved(?).
Fruitful?? Complete?? Joyful?? Satisfying??

Decisions are made. Course is planned.
Will not halt at anything small…
Only at so-called junctions.

Life

2006-01-25T08:47:00.000+05:30

See.
Meet.
Know.
Understand.
Smile.
Laugh.
Anger.
Tears.
Patch-up.
Togetherness.
Addiction.
One life.

Circumstances.
Distance.
Separation.
Withdrawal.
Longing.
Tears.
Expected return.

Life!

LETTING GO…

2006-01-25T08:37:00.000+05:30

Letting go is never easy.
Of course distance cannot kill
relationships…but it can dampen
the spirit… and fuel the desire for togetherness.
Communication channels are many
But they cant replace your presence.
And what about
the beautiful times,
the addictive conversations,
the angry pauses, the understanding silence,
mean attempts to provoke, sweet attempts to evoke laughter.
And the smile, crinkling eyes, resonating laughter.

Life’s a spoil-sport,
throwing unbearable, inevitable situations
There’s an upside to everything…we call it experience-
that makes us strong and all that.
Letting go is still tough.

Imagine life without dear one,
ferried away to distant lands..
Of course with the promise of return.
But 24 months !!
And then there are so many “what if’s” and “maybe s”
cruelly hurled at 190km/h.
There’s so much to say, to hear, to know,
to understand, to experience, to be.

Breaking away…
Understanding life…
Living alone…
Letting go…
Is never easy.

lost magic touch...

2006-01-17T12:09:00.000+05:30

this poem is specially for someone who matters a lot to me. i hope the message is well- received.

Lost Magic Touch.

the window opened..
what a perfect scene!
all colours harmoniously mingled
to create a beautiful picture.
soaked in its picturesque setting...
wished to behold it forever.
tried to capture it.

the scene stayed with me.
gave me limitless joy.

how come, only i can see it?
love it? appreciate it?
i thought others were blind..
and it annoyed me.
alas! i was wrong.
the window was no more open.
the winds bound it shut.
the winds of change...
winds forcing people to follow "the direction"-
the right path.

th window does open
only if pains are taken to open it.
but who has the time?
i have...i want to enjoy the beauty.
i want even others to..

trying hard to combat winds of change...
trying to break the window..
the scene needs to be appreciated.

My boat rocked...

2006-01-10T20:44:00.000+05:30

My boat arocked and tilted but moved.
The horizon still at a far distance.
One backward glance and I see
Just covered abot tenth of my journey.

At twenty, I have lived in shallow waters.
The boat has many guides- many, but me.
Deep waters tempt and tanatalize.
Now I am on the threshold of a new beginning.
A few round of oars and wow!!
No further guides and no shallow waters!

My first independent step.
First in the journey so far.
Till now there were guide moves-
was being swayed and swept by currents without my consent.
Now I am ready to explore, to expand, to move ahead
to challenging depths, unventured territory
through rough weather.
Mystery beckons. The journey takes a twist.
The guides have all vanished only their words loom large.

Words of discouragement, warnings and caution bells.
But one stands out-
"You sit as many risks as you run.
Just splash, throw caution to the air".

I have lived by this word so far.
The journey covered is small.
But I am ready to take the leap.
The journey is still a question...
...I will answer through experience.

My journey continues,
the boat sails ahead,
now with a vision ahead of it.

The Journey Simply Is...

2006-01-10T20:31:00.000+05:30

To make things easier we classified life-
infancy, childhood, adolescence, middle age and old age.
But does life follow the same order?
Does one stage follow another?
They are all in a maze.
All these stages are in me right now.
I am the child, the rebel, the complacent soul,
the caretaker and the tired one.

Life has been a journey.
Not a linear journey.
It moves in the shape of 8.
No escape from the binding rules.
No relief from the 'so-called-stages'.
No running away from life.
No new places to go,
just adherence to the shape of 8.
Move in circles. another circle. and another..

The journey continues.
The journey simply is and was and will be.

God is not an anaesthetist...

2006-01-03T19:46:00.000+05:30

Pain rules… overshadowing any source of joy.
Pain stays … it’s a lifetime companion.
Pain – past, present and future.

God made this world.
The same old saying –
About him being
The creator, preserver and destroyer.
Preservation here is synonymous with perseverance.
So preservatives like pain are used-
Like a pinch of salt – makes life more meaningful.
You are knifed. Pain is inflicted.
What about anaesthesia – local or general?
Nothing numbs the pain like it does.
God is the preserver, creator and destroyer.
But he is not an anaesthetist.
And we have god-men talking about enduring pain.

Growing Up

2006-01-03T19:17:00.000+05:30

Growing up has its ups…
Would dress up like all those pretty aunts
Look “dressed for the occasion”…
Just so perfect.
Maybe would successfully cover up
All flaws with a dash (or loads) of make-up.
Not all but some of them atleast.

Growing up has its ups…
Would be a part of all girlie stuff and
Even some elderly stuff.
Feel all important even if we
Are discussing about the ‘n’ number
Of guys in the world and their cuteness.
Not realizing cute means ‘ugly but adorable’.

Growing up has its ups…
Would earn, take care of the family
Get a chance – to boss over in the process
And to take things for granted
And to complain how tough life is…
And to smile less, carry the heavy burden of anger, grudge, jealousy
And to live life less…and to ask ‘why me?’
And to regret …to bear with a grin….

Growing up has its ups…
Won’t be satisfied with lesser joys…
Need for growth will be the driving force.

Growing up is all about growth.
Growing up is all about making a new you.
Made-up, trivial, lifeless, ambitious and progressing…

Nisha is dead Ma

2005-12-17T16:17:00.000+05:30

Ma.Ma. Nisha is dead Ma.
She is dead Ma.
No. She didn't die a natural death.
'They' killed her Ma. They killed her.

Ma many Nishas died in december and before..
You remember?
Tired Nishas returning home from work
Small,laughing Nishas..
whose young blood lay scattered all over.
Ma they killed them
They killed her...
Now its me and other Nishas.

Many Nishas were killed..will be killed.
You know, 'they' want to be heard
But I heard only the dying wail of dying Nishas.
The wail was forgotten after december...
So they killed more Nishas in march and now again.

They were mere Nishas; not Gandhiji, Indira or Rajeev
Not even Dawood or a Saddam.
All Nishas await the same fate..
Do they Ma?
What will you do of your Nisha? Ma??
?????????????????????????????

Future Aborted

2005-12-17T16:01:00.000+05:30

Shattered expectations lay all over
Whats more its all over
The radiance, the ray of hope.
The anxious waiting..all shattered in a minute.
In a minute, six months of waiting ..
lost forever the seeds of future.

All penance, all sacrifices, all pain
gone..leaving a void forever.
The pains were sweet when hope was there
But now it is a unbearable ache..
The pain endured ..to see the seeds of love grow
was life itself...
The loss of pain is not..its death.

Six months of pain, just three months were to pass
They didn't pass...
Instead there is a pain for life.
An aborted future.

Death of my Life

2005-12-17T15:51:00.000+05:30

Inability.
Treatment.
Care and Pain.
Endurance.
Perseverance.
There is a life to gain.
Life.
Hope.
All inside me.
Grow.
Grow.
Still some time to go.

Alas!
Pain.
Loss of blood.
Void.
Death.
Death of my Life.

Date: 26/03/2005

thought provoking

2005-12-13T16:16:00.000+05:30

If you can spend a perfectly useless afternoon in a perfectly useless manner, you have learned how to live.
-LIN YUTANG, A CHINESE WRITER

Every act of creation is first an act of destruction.
-PABLO PICASSO

"If you always put limit on everything you do, physical or anything else. It will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them."
-BRUCE LEE

"A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject."
- WINSTON CHURCHILL

"Experience is a good school. But the fees are high."
- HEINRICH HEIN, GERMAN POET.

Imprisonment

2005-12-12T20:58:00.000+05:30

The square with its four boundaries
limits the flights, the wanderings..
The wings of imagination are caught in its perimetre-
binding, suffocating, the hold's getting tighter.

The words of wisdom, the big talks.
The precautions highlighted in all walks
snatch away the 'self', leave it in a maze..
only to see the world through haze.

Traditions are stable...they support
but they fence
They are shackles trying to bind time
but with passing time make no sense.

There at a distance is a new unsteady plane
waiting to be explored, to be touched
A plane beckoning the spirit
to free itself from traditions = security = imprisonment.