Spectral Performance

Residing in a second world
Never an easy job
Gave up the world I belonged to
For second grade treatment in a second world
Mere specter walking beside you…
Noticeable to none… kept away from
Full-blood(y)ed people who matter

Being there yet not being there
Dreaming of a world
Existing only in empty space in my skull…

Claims by idealists of love without expectations
Don’t ring true when u live in a world of uncertainty
Knowing very well that two worlds will be two
It’s a helpless love… rendered helpless because
It believes in an impossible dream… an unattainable target
It expects still…

The spectral bond is felt
But no touchable tangible proof of love
No claims…
Living in a present which ends in hanged future

A specter haunted by its own image
Wanting in form… de-garbing its invisibility to the world
Desiring to be seen with you… as yours
Before life mockingly passes through

Wishing that the spectral performance ends
In a form… in a bond… a union
Where I transcend from being formless
To being safely defined in the knots of togetherness…
Visible to the world
Curtains.

Love Remains

Nurtured the wounded heart with saline water
Breathing life into the dead weight of rejection
It grew within me
Not in my womb but in the whole of me
Slowly it spread, weakening joints first
Working its way up, broke down the networks
Numbness of existence it left on the way

Tentacled now, held me with diamond grip
Reached its desired destination
With vengeance hit at the throne of desire
Blocked its whimsical flow and ebb
Its fanciful hub-dub
Suffocated the arteries and veins
Of desire in one powerful grip

Pain released itself with the death of heart
…transformed itself into numbness
Suspended for eternity…
Waiting to find another fool.

Life.. sucked beautifully

In the hour of need, in desperation
You groped, felt for me.
Turned to feel my presence
Reassured you got down to
One thing you are so good at…
Sucking life out of me
In hungry gulps…
Pinching and biting for fear of sudden dryness
Forcing me to be as you wish…

Taking life yet not leaving me lifeless
Taking away the essence yet completing me..
Helping me see myself in a new light…
As a selfless satiating spring

death raced past you

Slow and steady…
Slow it was. Steady ?
Waiting near the finish line…
Few minutes left.
I had a deadline to meet
Death, the task master
Never cared much…
For unfulfilled desire…
Teary eyed I pleaded for
A few moments.
The horizon didn’t brighten
With your silhouette …
Bruised hope, tired eyes
Flickering desire…

Death now a much-needed sedative
Descended and lulled me to eternal rest
Nursed the vacant eyes and the incised heart
Relaxed the final fluttering of half-dead hope

Death raced before you
And said I do...
Walking down the aisle
I crushed my body, soul and heart
and with them you...
You were and are still just the best man...


Death didn’t part us…
Just snapped the last strings of hope of
“till death do part us”

twist in the tale

Fairy tales never amazed me.

Half-believing in the divine justice
And existence of humanity
Weaving webs which would
Ultimately be just that- a web
But idiotic ideals
Fell prey. Got caught in the
Mad world of beauty and lies
Lies I fed
To make this world a bearable place

Happy endings and happy pictures
were bygones for the world
But I continued uncaringly…
Because that was the only get away
Fairy tales, castles I built
In my asylum…
Exiled from the world of reality
Sanity dead, hope alive
Far removed, far far away

Twist in the tales…
Sad faces peering at my happy world
Pity me…
And I them

Unspeakable

If lustrous eyes could tell tales
Of despair and emptiness
If luminous smile could reveal
The dull aching pain
If liveliness could unveil itself…
And disclose
The secret desire of death
If existence could disappear
And expose the dead soul…
If the exterior cool could crack
And show the self-inflicted immolation

Talking about all my wonderfully deceptive traits..
You would be mourning my death.

for keep's sake...

For keep’s sake

Adorning premises of his life
Was the duty given
The role clearly was a thankless one
Had been warned beforehand
No returns were to be expected…
The flower plucked looks beautiful
But actually is preparing for its
Eventual death… wither into anonymity.
Just a moment’s glory

She was a keep sake
There to please and satisfy him
Long since she had left behind her origin
Who she was and what was her future
Life seemed to have merged
In an imaginary way with his…
But it was not a balanced equation
She was just there for keep’s sake

She gave away sap
Just wanted the returns
Unknowingly he planted the seeds
Of her future…

Now she couldn’t be a mere keep
She left with her cursed treasure in liquid form..
She defied her role
Grew beyond it…
She wrote her own role
And assayed it with flair
No more there for keep’s sake…