Flexible dreams

Coming of a new year
reminds me of new dreams...
that by mid-year will be faded
and by december down and out

I see the beginning of an end...
a far-sighted perspective..huh?
Well, shedding the thin skin
full of ruptured arteries
Am pulling another dare-devilry
the guts to hope
for an already shattered dream
Tattered... with just an iota of spring
provided by strange stroke of luck...

Time-tested cynicism
versus pure refreshing perspective...
Have a big battle ahead

For now - I will keep
the promise
to dream a reality

A Break

Amidst the clutter of
brimming spilling thoughts
I found a half-sipped slant glass
of bitter truths
Averting my eyes
looking for a welcome distraction
that I obviously didnt find...
thanks to my obsessive
objective clean up of all other sections

I had to touch that rot...
that I had preserved long
Calling them memories and dreams
I smelt the stench and
saw the pointlessness of it all
And with the help of a
self-mocking laugh...
drank the last bit of the bitter tonic

I let the illusions of a better tomorrow
down the food pipe and out

I took the much-needed break
A break from idle ideal thoughts
a diversion from the deluded path...

A stranger

This post is dedicated to a person, whom I have never met...actually whom I know only from the past five days... but I feel at peace with his/her virtual presence in my life... It makes me believe that sometimes we see life in a new perspective through someone else's eyes...

My wordy armour
saved that one bit of life
from being further shred
But I lost a lot to this self-made armour
While running away from pain
I ran away from joys... then life

A stranger I met
who read my life without me uttering a word
He looked at me
with knowing eyes and didnt advise me a thing
Just when I was about to move
he held me back with a gaze

He let me be and didn't pretend
to console or understand...
After a while, he read my heart
and asked me to rest
In his unsaid words...
I felt no need to be anything but me...
And I looked at life with a renewed zest...

I keep my wordy armour now
just as an outlet
but all the while I have kept
myself open to the newness of the world...

Leash of life

You kept putting to another day...
saying we have enough time to make a life
Slowly, I saw the lines
were fading and so was your demeanour

First, you thought we wouldn't get
the folks to nod
Then you felt I deserved someone better
(A great way of saying 'look elsehwere baby')
Now, you wanted that things should settle
And again you had a cribbing or two
About how I always seemed to doubt
your intentions terming every
relation as a liasion...

I looked at happy couples
and thought may be this was
what we would soon be like...
arms in arms, love in eyes,
gestures of warmth all the time -
stuff from Mills and Boons

Lost in thought... you left me behind...
And complained that I couldn't keep up
I rushed to you on all fours
Panting, keeping in pace...
Nodding when you pulled the leash
and tail between my legs...

A new leash of life you gave me!

Poetry

A dot on the paper
a blot... in need of company
I play god
strecth the dot a little -
a line, a curve, some word, some meaning

All an attempt
to show the surreal power
of building stories....
out of bitterness,
'pain'spired as I call it...

Words used to create
deliberate maze, conscious ambivalence
non-existent layers...

An ego game
An attempt to fill
empty spaces
left by lack of worthwhile pursuits...

The end awaiting me

In the end...
I guess what will matter..
is nothing...

The final ounce of life
lost the battle...
I failed to make you understand
for the umpteenth time...

Now I know
you were incapable of loving
but I was putting up a heroic fight
from the outside...
Secretly, hoping to die

After losing the thinly-spread dignity
worn off in many places...
patched up roughly to keep
the physical blow of the sight minimum

Shame-heartedly, proud-facedly
I walked away from you
Scared to be an embarassment to you...

You and Me

Vine-like embrace
Affecting my existence
Reaching the depths as I lie
Under your overpowering presence
No other thing touching me
If this is the only feeling I have
So be it... its my idea of contentment
Having known completeness... blending with you
Any other touch, any other world only seems incomplete...

Weird logic ??!!#$%^

Caution and love
Hand in hand?

Friends advise to take thinsg easy
be held back
and to not trust blindly
not to be too attached

But isn't love all about
being the opposite all that they advise?
Isn't love all about
what I am?
Stupidly, insecuredly, madly
in love...

How can I walk yet stop?
Shut up and speak?
Smile with unsmiling eyes
Visualise without beleieving?
Love without being attached?

Heights

At a height of about 84 K feet
from sea level
I peered through the window..

Below (...love looking down upon people... teeheehee)
I saw a sea of clouds - condensed and pregnant
Ready to deliver

Not realising...
I was one of them
Alone, aiming high... suspended in the middle of nowhere

Lost the day, lost my way
In this self-set trap
I was caught in

Heights of delinquency
Heights of self-denial..in the name of acquiring
Hieghts of loss
Heights of love

Just another feather in the cap

A proud display of colours
Blue, green and fawn
All but gone
Robbed of its glory
Plucked ruthlessly by hands beloved

Whole-heartedly gave in to
this sacred sacrifice
Dropping the distinct identity and beauty...
Assuming it's a seasonal change
Awaiting monsoon...

The wait continues
The year began and now ended with autumnal winds

The living glory
Vanquished
Reduced to being just one more face
among many
A feather in the cap of its captor

A little more of you...

Turning back...
I decided to leave you alone,
after accepting defeat and giving into
the fact that i failed to
penetrate the inner recesses of your mind
the deepest core of your heart
the hidden essence of your existence...

I lost to you
all that I had
And I knew I was asking for the impossible
But some mad hope
pushed me to take that one last chance -
Of staying and seeing if I could change
the unchangeable reality...

Still, I continue with that one last chance
Hopelessly, resigned to defeat...
But used to the idea of believing
that even your rejection has you in it...

And I take that rejection as a part of you...
because forever I crave a little more of you.

A stray thought...

A thought crept into my mind...
As I saw my dreams laughing heartlessly at me
Smeared in the blood of rejection...
They gave another short laugh before taunting:
"Thats the fate of foolish dreamers -
who hope for the impossible"

I looked at my ten fingers
Stretched before me... begging in infinite space
Of the empty asylum cell
Just as I did when u were around...

Insanity couldn't kill the pain...
I looked for a way to liberty...
a little relief for me and you
I slept with shame and hope
for death

May be a new chapter would begin
for both you and me...
So now i dream a possible dream
Wish death will be a little kind to me

Finally I will heed to you
I will rest - eternally.